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 That?s the question that arose during a lunch date I had with a few friends (both American and French) last week at our regular haunt, Indiana Café. Unfortunately, Jane?s boyfriend Dave (yeah, I changed their names) has been doing exactly that: cyber sex. He?d set up a profile and been consulting the adult site every night when she went to bed. Because they work different hours (he gets home really late from his job as a restaurant manager) she?s usually in bed before he is, so she never thought anything of it.
So how did Jane discover his wicked deeds? Well, that was courtesy of La Poste (sometimes they are good at something). Dave?s credit card company sent his monthly statement, and on that statement there was a payment to the sex site. As Jane manages all the household bills, including Dave?s credit cards, she opened it, saw it and questioned it. And him. As I understand, the he-said she-said conversation went something like this...
She said, ?I got your credit card bill today.?
He said, ?OK. You need money for it??
She said, ?Nah, I can handle it. But I do need to know who ... is?
He said, ?What??
She said, ?What company is this? There?s a charge to them for $80?
He said, ?I?have no idea.?
Now at this point, Dave really didn?t know who the company was, so he tried to help Jane find out what the charge was for. Too bad, because when he finally remembered, he turned a shade of red Jane had never seen before and Jane became suspicious and the conversation continued:
She said, ?Why are you so red??
He said, ?I?um?? She said, ?You know what it is, don?t you??
He said, ?Well, I??
She said, ?Just tell me, Dave.?
And then he did. I guess we can give him credit for not lying at least. He could have taken the Eddie Murphy Raw way out and said ?It wasn?t me.? But of course this is no consolation to Jane. So it brings us back around to the main question: If someone is having cyber sex should that be considered as cheating or not?
Jane clearly thinks so. Her man has been shall we say ?sexually pleasing himself? (my mom the Baptist reads this site) while watching another girl, a complete stranger, do the same through their web cams. He?s never going to see her or meet her or even talk to her (this is what he told Jane) but for her, it is indeed something intimate that shouldn?t be shared with anyone other than herself.
Sophie agrees, ?Any outside sexual interest that is acted upon, be it actual physical or not, is a danger sign. Why is he online sexing himself when his woman is in bed in the next room. Why can?t he get it from you?? The rest of us nodded our heads in unison. The lone male in the group had another opinion though. ?It?s not really cheating. He?s never going to see that girl and he?s just fulfilling a need. It?s just like looking at a porn movie or a Playboy. But obviously there?s a problem in the relationship if he?s doing it in the first place.?
Obviously.
We?re not experts so we did the only thing good friends can do, which was advise Jane to simply ask Dave the ton of questions she asked us: Is he always doing it with the same girl? Does he have a steady cyber lover? Is it a different girl every time? Is he always letting the girls see him or is he sometimes only looking at them? She agreed to ask and we?ll find out soon what he had to say. Stay tuned?But what do you think?
Priscilla Lalisse moved to Paris from New York City in 1999. She is the Editor & Founder of Prissy Mag, and the author of STOCKDALE , her first novel. For her complete bio, please click here.
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Love Lives 
