She kissed my ass for weeks. I told her all about me. My French hunny-bunny. Our plans to elope to Vegas. She told me she was Pax?ed out (the Pacs: a law the French created for the Gays so that they could leave all their belongings to their other half, since they can?'t get married. Nowadays, straight people who can?'t bear to sign on the dotted line use it to avoid marriage. Be warned.) I digress. She'?s from Boston, and I?'m from Brooklyn. This chick had lunches with me where we reminisced about homesick we are. We had after work drinks with our men. We even met one Saturday and went shopping. It was all going very well. Too well.

That?'s when the climbing started. Job climbing. All of a sudden there was a new position available, and rank mattered. Pay mattered. SHE mattered. Whereas before she?'d praised me, the new girl, in front of our boss, (another witch), I suddenly became her enemy; her rival, and she wanted me out of the company. She lied on me. Stole my ideas and claimed them for her own, and even advised them to give me a negative job review. For what? A few extra euros per month? It is utterly amazing to watch someone go from super nice to super bitch, all over a job.

So what did I do? I tried to go to the boss, she wasn?t hearing it. I tried talking to other co-workers and while some felt my pain, most of them sided with her. She had been there much longer than myself. Therefore, when I found I had no other recourse, I decided to hit her where it hurt. I met with her boyfriend, her pacs mate. I told him that she was having an affair with one of our office mates, which was the truth. I outlined their smoke breaks, text messages to each other, super long lunches. Oh yeah I told it allllllllll. And then I helped him pick his jaw up off the floor. I caressed his hair. I gave him a tight hug, and then I looked him in the eyes and told him she was only a money-loving bitch, who only hung around for his six-figure income, and that he should leave her.

He did. And now he?'s dating one of my true friends.

Revenge is indeed a dish best served cold.

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