I thought I'd be going back to friends from high school, familiar people who liked me...well they did when I was there on vacation, but when I came back to the States to live, it was different. I found some were ''weird'' with me and my ''Frenchy thing''...jealous, intimidated. Now that I was one of them again I guess they needed to show me a thing or two. Whatever the case, I couldn't relate, didn't connect again after all, and pretty much felt like that the entire time I was there in the States. At first people would be ''impressed'' about the French side, then they'd quickly feel intimidated...goodness knows I didn't try to ''flaunt it'', but at the same time, it was frustrating to me to have to deny, if not at least totally downplay such an important side to my existence, i.e., eleven years of my life which did change me. I think these are things we can expect if we're not careful with whom we associate.

I think other people returning to the States after living in Pars would have similar stories. In some larger American towns, I really didn't run into that; but nevertheless, putting an eleven year hole in my "American existence" (CV) by living in France, didn't help me at all. Employers wanted to know what I could do for them right now, and they weren't very interested in France.

So basically, I thought I was going back to some ''ready-made'' friends and it didn't happen. That was a big disappointment, but maybe it happened for a reason. Perhaps it was time for me to move on to bigger and better things...that i wasn't finished ''seeing the world''...at least that's what i decided...for sure by being in Asia, I've gotten positive reinforcement for my teaching. People admire and respect me, and they don't need to put me down to feel better about themselves.

I did well by getting out of the States, where as a foreigner in my own country, my self-esteem had reached an all-time low. If you do ever decide to go back, be careful where you land. You can find yourself in a time capsule that hasn't changed for years, and for that matter, the ones living in that time capsule like it that way! The "guy" that I was romantically involved with when I was living there was the brother of one of my friends from high school. I was hoping to be one big happy family, but when I actually came back, it as a different story...as he was her ''baby brother'' and pet...she was jealous that he listened to me (or was with me) instead of paying as much attention to her. She was always messing with us.

She knew how to "push his buttons", make him feel guilty for "abandoning" her, never missed a chance to say what she could to make him have doubts about me. It was a constant struggle. Finally I said to myself, "Soooo you can seeee, this is a disgusting little peyton place!!!, what in the helllll are you doing in this quagmire". Honestly, i'm glad to be out of it. I'm sorry that it couldn't work out with him, but aside from her, he wasn't good for me... too insecure and controlling. the other part was simply an additional annoyance. I could've worked around that if he had been good for me and to me, but he wasn't.

The guy I left in Paris turned out to be a jealous type...not so much jealous of other men, but of my potential and it seems he did everything he could to hold me back...what with making it so difficult for me to get my residence card for so long even though we were married. Then I went back to the States and got with someone else that I thought would be different; but after only a few months, I realized I'd made another mistake...he was also jealous and possessive. He tried to hide it, but sabotaged me right and left, put me down, and essentially he completely changed from the supportive, loving person that he was in the beginning...to becomiing distant and unsupportive... Finally, he suggested I start a cleaning houses...He couldn't stand it when I got my real estate license. He wanted to hear nothing about anything like that. Then there was the problem of the jealous sister, which I'd never encountered!

Having gotten my fill of the "great American nightmare", and with the encouragement from a wonderful Columbian friend of mine who's living in Tokyo, at the first of this year I decided to start looking for teaching jobs abroad. It seemed clear that I needed to go outside my own country to get back in touch with myself. I was initially thinking of Tokyo, where I have several close friends from my days of living in Paris. I was also seriously considering Saigon/Ho Chi Minh City, where I have a very dear friend from architecture school, but ended up choosing South Korea.

I'm not sure yet whether South Korea is the best choice in Asia; but they offered the best "package deal" and given that I'd never lived in Asia before, I decided to go for the place where I could save some money and then move from here if I so desire. I can easily save about a grand a month here and still travel around Asia to visit my friends.

As for now, I am alone here. I've put myself in this exile so that I can clear my mind and get a fresh start. I'm thinking I need to take a break from men...going right from one to another, I tend to make the same mistakes over and over again. The Korean people are warm hearted and friendly and the students are truly amazing!

As for going back to the States, I really wouldn't know how to advise someone about that. It's a hard call...anywhere in the States is so different from the Parisian life that one can expect a heavy cultural shock!

*Submitted by R.M.

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